I am sorting through boxes...and boxes...and more boxes. While it is mundane work, occasionally I find a pearl. In this case, the pearl is an article I cut out from a quilt magazine. Unfortunately, the name/date of the magazine is not listed on the page. The article notes that the author is unknown, but they had reprinted it form the 8/1997 Western North Carolina Quilter's Guild Newsletter. I hope they don't mind me reproducing it. Enjoy! Update: Kathy Smith Harris let me know she wrote this in 1997. Enjoy!!
"A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain pheromones, which actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase un-godly amounts.
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the pheromones in fabric cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food), thereby perpetuating their species, rather than having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others.
These same Pheromones cause a pathological need to secret fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash). When asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "Oh, I've had that for awhile."
Sound tests have revealed that these fabrics also emit a very high-pitched tone, heard only by a select breed of women known as "quilters." When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants: "Buy me cut me, sew me!" (*personal comment: I know it is not only heard by women, but apparently at the time of this article, the "research" hadn't uncovered that some men are equally vulnerable*)
In order to overcome the so-called "feeding frenzy effect" these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility (i.e.: fabric shop) and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip.
Studies have further indicated that aliens have infiltrated the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. The aliens are most often disguised as fabric store clerks.
Further research into the fabric phenomena is continuing. "
I finally understand. I have a syndrome...induced by fabric pheromones. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!
Deb
Oh My God! This pheromone has invaded my laptop! Because when I SEE and READ about certain fabrics I hear the subliminal "buy me cut me sew me" in my own home! It's really scary, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI knew it!!!! It's not my fault. Thank you so much for bringing this out into the open!
ReplyDeleteOh, Deb - This is priceless!!! Whoever wrote this article had a great sense of humor but wrote some VERY true words!! :-)) I wonder if we have a QA here in St. George!! Have a fun, fabric and sewing filled day!! Kris
ReplyDeleteSo true... so very true.... I am embarrassed to admit I go into fabric shops just to get the pheromone high...'
ReplyDelete*LOL*
Deb, I will be copying this (with you permission of course) and putting it in a frame and hanging it in my husbands office to remind him with each new fabric that either arrives by UPS, mail or me that it is not my fault! I will admit I am a fabric junkie,......and darn proud of it!
ReplyDeleteyour friend in stitches
Margaret
Please attribute the story on Fabric Pheromones to me: Kathy Smith Harris, 1997
ReplyDeleteThank you